To my loyal readers whom I love and adore you might remember about a year and half ago when my husband started a new job and left me with three kids and a house to sell while he started his new job in California? It was a really hard time in my life. Now with the constant change in the Solar industry I find myself once again saying good-bye to my best friend and hubby while he lives in another state; this time Utah. Long story short once we know if Solar Energy will continue to be profitable in Nevada long term or not (hopefully we’ll have news mid November) we are stuck once again living apart. The good news is this time I’m not having to worry about selling a house in the midst of the chaos that is single mom-hood. I have mad respect for women and men who for whatever reason end up being a single parent. It is not EASY to try and do this by yourself. But I have learned a few things that have helped me to cope and be okay with the constant feelings of being overwhelmed. I would love to share these with you… In hopes that my struggles will help others who are also struggling.
- Take everyday one day at a time: If I look at a Calendar and see the months, weeks, and days dragging on and on with Kelly gone I find myself losing my cool and succumbing to fear and loneliness. But instead I have developed a day by day philosophy. Am I OK today? Can I handle today? More often then not I’ve got today down! Kids are fed, we’re busy with practices, I’m busy running a blog, and helping with homework. If I stay focused on the present I don’t have time to worry and focus on a very unclear future.
- Be Grateful: I can’t emphasis this one enough! Being grateful makes what we have enough! Yes my situation is not perfect and it stinks! But instead I focus on what I am grateful for. I have a loving husband with a job, my kids are healthy, I am healthy, we have a roof over our heads. We have friends that are helpful and supportive. They’re are so many blessings in my life that I would be foolish not to be grateful for what I do have.
- Reach Out To Friends: Being a single parent is lonely! I am so thankful for friends who text and call to check in on me and remind that I am loved and not forgotten. Adult conversation is welcomed with eagerness. ( I apologize to my friends for word vomiting overloads) If you are in a difficult situation and no one is reaching out to you… Take a deep breath and reach out for help! You’ll be surprised to find that you have more supporters than you think. If you are still feeling lost; put yourself out there join a club or volunteer. These are great ways to make friends and increase your support system.
- Take Care of Yourself: This one was really hard for me at first. With Kelly not being around, why doll myself up? The only “people” seeing me were my kids. Shave my legs… Why… Make up was wasted right?! On the days where I just don’t feel the need to put any effort into my appearance I fight the urge to not care and do something to help me feel human again. A little bit of make up, a warm shower, maybe even bust out a razor. ( The guy on the treadmill next to me was looking a little worried about my leg hair situation…) But really the time I take to take care of me helps me to cope and feel like a functioning adult even though at times I don’t feel like I am. – Like they say fake it till you make it. Yesterday was crowned “take care of me day” I arranged to have my littlest play at a friend’s house while the other two were at school… I got a facial, a pedicure, and an eyebrow wax. It was a breath of fresh air to have someone else take care of me for a change. It completely rejuvenated me! Bring on the school carnivals and church parties where I will be attending them by myself and three kids 😉
- If you are prone to depression – seek help! Depression is a real thing. If your feelings of being overwhelmed make it difficult to get out of bed and handle life in general and no amount of “shaking it off” helps – Don’t be afraid to seek help! Depression runs in my family and it is real and can be really scary. There was a time in my life where Prozac really helped me get through the day to day. At the time it is what I needed. Thankfully I have been able to use exercise and healthy eating to keep me sane and feeling positive. I realize this may seem like a pretty big revelation from someone who’s blog tagline is “Positive Fit Healthy”… But it is the truth and I got the help I needed at the time and it made all the difference.
- Prioritize: When you’re feeling super overwhelmed instead of dealing with things and getting them done. It can be really easy to almost feel paralyzed by what you’re facing. But as they say… How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Break your to do list into categories and prioritize what needs to be done first. Some things might need to wait, totally OK! Discerning what can wait and what absolutely needs to get done is a great skill.
- Breath: Some times you just need to put yourself in time out and breath! Take deep breaths and calm your mind. Sometimes these little timeouts are all I need to help me refocus and get back on track to the tasks at hand.
- Pray: I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and all his children and is ready and willing to help us in all our challenges in life. But we need to humble ourselves and ask for his help and guidance.
So there you have it, whew I unloaded A LOT of baggage on you… Hopefully my very open and candid conversation helps you realize I’m not perfect and that I have my own struggles and challenges. When you you’re feeling overwhelmed how do you deal? Hugs to those who are in my same boat loving life; but feeling slightly overwhelmed but it all. 😉 We got this! We can do hard things!